Love Advices

DetAngling Emotional Independence: Part 1

According to multiple articles and other blog posts I’ve read, unsurprisingly, being independent in a relationship is often measured by monetary prowess. It is about how much one can afford or how little assistance one needs from their partner. It’s also about individuality, self-worth and personal strength.

Nothing about how dependent independence really is!

Independence is the mental state of being free from any sort of external influence; and Emotion is a mental reaction created by external factors. Such factors/influences can either be a situation, circumstance, mood and another person.

My question to you is, if both definitions of independence refer to the inclusion and impact of external factors/influences, then why is emotional independence often viewed as a personal achievement?

More often than not, anyone who claims to be emotionally independent associates dependency with getting controlled or having ceded complete surrender to another person. They also tend to fear the thought of needing anyone. This can lead them to develop a lack of vulnerability that true love requires.

Is emotional dependence as bad as some people make it out to be?

In my opinion, I don’t think so. I think everyone should be aware of the level of emotional independence that is necessary in each situation they are in. I also think everyone should have a low threshold of expectations in case it’s needed to escape an influential factor that is detrimental to your personal wellness and happiness.

Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being emotionally dependent on your partner. After all, we need to depend on our partner to support and comfort us when we are having an emotional breakdown. We need them to provide reliable guidance when we have emotional uncertainty. Most importantly, we must depend on their reliability and dependence on us to reciprocate that same emotional support.

However, being too emotionally dependent can give an impression that you are needy, which can be considered unattractive by your partner. While being too emotionally independent can lead people to think that you are heartless. Therefore, you need to analyze each situation to determine the required level of emotional independence necessary.

I leave you with this: when determining the necessary emotional independence in a situation, you should consider the impacts, consequences and alternatives. But whatever you do, do not mistake your need for emotional support with dependence.

In part 2, we will explore how to determine the necessary emotional independence needed in situations and how to deal with the consequences when emotional dependence backfires.


Please feel free to detangle in the comments section below.


Happy DetAngling!

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